and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My life is pants optional.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
