You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize