i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just googled if crying burns calories
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
