I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
