Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
