it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
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