apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
