oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i just google imaged poop.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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