I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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