Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize