Already got asked if we're dating
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Randomize
