So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Randomize
