Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Randomize
