Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
