I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
