i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
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