I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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