I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Randomize