You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
