she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
My liver just broke up with me...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
