ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
