Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
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