batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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