Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I've blown a few things in my day
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
