so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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