I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
