do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
