I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
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