Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Randomize
