i think my mom watched the whole time
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
