I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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