And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize