Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
