These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
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