Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
