if you like me you must not know who I am
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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