Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
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