Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
