i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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