It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
