WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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