for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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