You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
I see more hoeing in ur future
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