I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
