that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Thank you for not boning my boss.
how drunk are you?
Several
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
