Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
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