I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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