New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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