literally had 100 drinks last night.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
