I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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