If i come over, it means nothing
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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