i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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