I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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