When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
