i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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