I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
