you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
