I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
