lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Randomize
