I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
