i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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