He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
