you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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