i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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