You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
