im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
