I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
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