Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Can vaginas get frostbite?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Randomize