I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
