Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
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