Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
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