so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
