we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
Randomize
