So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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