I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
