Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Randomize
