I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
