The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
