ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
