So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize