OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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