She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
