OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
