remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
Randomize
