did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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