i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
