i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
