i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
They are going to name an STD after you.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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