the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
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