What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
